Susan, how could you do this to me.
7. Youre absolutely terrified to sign any contract because it seems like there is literally never a good time to do it.
Also, Susan, HOW OFTEN DO REAL ADULTS SIGN CONTRACTS? Because people dont sign contracts or buy real estate nearly as often as you think we do.
8. You also dont make half as many major purchases to be CONSISTENTLY worried about as Susan thinks you do.
The last time you bought a bed was approximately one never ago.
9. Your horoscope made you believe in Mercury Retrograde. You FEEL Mercury Retrograde.
10. You curse Mercury Retrograde every day of every Mercury Retrograde.
11. You pretend not to let the negative predictions get to you, but sometimes its just too harsh.
What do you mean, the second half of the month will be fraught for interpersonal relationships ??
12. You act out and blame your bad behavior on various moons being in various houses.
13. But toward the end of every month, you gather yourself and prepare for better news.
14. For example, every time your horoscope tells you a certain day will be good for love, you believe it.
15. The minute you decide to date someone, you check to see how compatible your signs are
16. and if it looks like your partner doesnt match up with you well, you COMPLETELY doubt the entire relationship.
17. Youve been known to say things like, She is OBVIOUSLY a Libra Sun/Pisces Rising
You have a gift.
18. but if someone asks you your sign as a pickup line, youre basically repulsed.