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Turning 60 means:

Your favorite classic rock is now elevator music.

You wonder why the TV remote isnt working, then realize its a cordless phone.

At the gym, you mostly do squats because of how they help you in the bathroom.

When classic movies come on, your comments are: Shes dead. Hes dead. Theyre all dead.

Your childhood toys sell for a fortune on eBay.

The quantity of gold in your mouth would make a decent retirement plan.

You can never totally, completely trust a fart.

Not wearing a bra tugs the wrinkles right out of your face.

Your parties never even wake up the dog, let alone the neighbors.

Sucking in your gut can blow the hair right off the top of your head.

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