Anthony Jeselnik Jokes

 – 11 total
Too many white people? You know what no one ever says is "too few black people".
Too many white people? You know what no one ever says is "too few black people".

Funny Jokes,  White Jokes Funny,  
    
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The other day my girlfriend got a bad haircut. She came home and cried for two hours. I said, "Baby it's just a haircut... I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend.
The other day my girlfriend got a bad haircut. She came home and cried for two hours.

I said, "Baby it's just a haircut...

I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend.

Funny Jokes,  Bad Hair Jokes,  Hair Cut Jokes,  
    
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You look like you deep-fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
You look like you deep-fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

Funny Jokes,  Nail Jokes,  
    
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How many cancer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? A dozen: 1 to screw it in, and 11 to say "Oh, that's inspiring"
How many cancer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A dozen: 1 to screw it in, and 11 to say "Oh, that's inspiring"

Memes,  Cancer Jokes,  
    
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My grandfather turns 100 years old next month... Maybe.
My grandfather turns 100 years old next month...

Maybe.

Funny Jokes,  Grandfather Jokes,  
    
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person So I can get a better girlfriend.
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person

So I can get a better girlfriend.

Funny Quotes,  Funny Inspirational Thoughts,  
    
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I just read the biography of the guy who created Super Mario Brothers. Did you know when he was a kid, people used to laugh at him when he would kill turtles with a hammer.
I just read the biography of the guy who created Super Mario Brothers. Did you know when he was a kid, people used to laugh at him when he would kill turtles with a hammer.

Funny Quotes,  Super Mario Jokes,  
    
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Chris Brown totalled his Porsche 911, which comes as no surprise to me. Chris Brown loves that car.
Chris Brown totalled his Porsche 911, which comes as no surprise to me.

Chris Brown loves that car.

Funny Jokes,  Porsche Jokes,  Funny Chris Brown Jokes,  
    
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I'm not a religious person, I would call myself an atheist. I don't have a good story behind it I'm just... reasonable
I'm not a religious person, I would call myself an atheist. I don't have a good story behind it I'm just... reasonable

Funny Quotes,  Funny Atheist Quotes,  
    
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"i'm a film student and i make burritos." "always nice to meet a pothead."
"i'm a film student and i make burritos."

"always nice to meet a pothead."

Funny Jokes,  Pothead Jokes,  
    
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i've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer. but no one will do it.
i've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer.

but no one will do it.

Memes,  Ex Girl Jokes,  Jokes For Guys,  Quote Joke,  
    
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