Dirty Nursery Rhymes

 – 31 total
It isn’t hard to turn anything into something dirty and nursery rhymes are no different. Jack and Jill went up the hill, twinkle twinkle, hickory dickory and even little red riding hood can all be made into dirty nursery rhymes easily and on this page they have been. Some of them have been turned to filth more than once.

On this page you will find the dirtiest nursery rhymes that we would find from all over the internet. We have looked across the web and taken the best ones we could find, including the ones you have sent us.

While you are here enjoying our collection of puns, jokes, memes and videos please take the time to rate some of your favorites and share with all of your friends and family.
hickory ory dock, this hutch was suckin' my...
hickory ory dock, this hutch was suckin' my...

Memes,  Comedian Jokes,  
    
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ye olde jack and jill

jack and jill,

went up the hill,

so jack could see jill's fanny,

but jack got a sck,

and an eyeful of ,

because jill was a closet tranny.
ye olde jack and jill

jack and jill,

went up the hill,

so jack could see jill's fanny,

but jack got a sck,

and an eyeful of ,

because jill was a closet tranny.


Transvestite Jokes,  
    
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there was a goddam spider

lived up a goddam spout

there came a uva thunderstorm

and washed the  out

and when the sun came out again

and dried up all the rain

, if the old son-of-a-

didn't climb up that spout again!
there was a goddam spider

lived up a goddam spout

there came a uva thunderstorm

and washed the out

and when the sun came out again

and dried up all the rain

, if the old son-of-a-

didn't climb up that spout again!


Spider Jokes,  Spider Humor,  
    
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jack and jill went up the hill 

and planned to do some kissing

jack made a p and grabbed her 

now his two front teeth are missing
jack and jill went up the hill

and planned to do some kissing

jack made a p and grabbed her

now his two front teeth are missing


No Teeth Jokes,  Silly Short Jokes,  
    
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little 

i like little ,

her coat is so warm,

and if i don't hurt her

she'll do me no harm;

so, i'll not put her tail,

nor drive her away,

but  and i

very gently will play.
little

i like little ,

her coat is so warm,

and if i don't hurt her

she'll do me no harm;

so, i'll not put her tail,

nor drive her away,

but and i

very gently will play.


Cat Jokes,  
    
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there was an old lady

w lived in a se

she had so many kids

her uterus fell out
there was an old lady

w lived in a se

she had so many kids

her uterus fell out


Jokes About Kids,  
    
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ye olde humpty dumpty

humpty dumpty,

sat on a wall,

humpty dumpty,

had a great fall.

all the kings rses,

and all the kings men,

said " him,

he's only an egg."
ye olde humpty dumpty

humpty dumpty,

sat on a wall,

humpty dumpty,

had a great fall.

all the kings rses,

and all the kings men,

said " him,

he's only an egg."


Humpty Dumpty Jokes,  Egg Jokes,  
    
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little miss et, sat on her tuffet, eating her bacon and grits.

along came a spider and sat down beside her, and said,

"  sw me your s!"
little miss et, sat on her tuffet, eating her bacon and grits.

along came a spider and sat down beside her, and said,

" sw me your s!"


Tit Jokes,  
    
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goosey goosey gander

goosey goosey gander, whither shall i wander?

upstairs and downstars and in my lady's chamber.

there i met an old man w would not say his prayers,

i took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.
goosey goosey gander

goosey goosey gander, whither shall i wander?

upstairs and downstars and in my lady's chamber.

there i met an old man w would not say his prayers,

i took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.


Funny Nursery Rhymes,  Really Silly Jokes,  
    
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hush little baby, don't say a word,

other people live in this god apartment building.
hush little baby, don't say a word,

other people live in this god apartment building.


Baby Jokes,  Apartment Jokes,  
    
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happy birthday to you,
 
squashed bananas and poo,

you smell like a monkey,

and you look like one too!
happy birthday to you,

squashed bananas and poo,

you smell like a monkey,

and you look like one too!


Funny Happy Birthday Wishes,  Monkey Jokes,  
    
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jack and jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,

jack got high and dropped his fly and jill said "where's the beef?"
jack and jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,

jack got high and dropped his fly and jill said "where's the beef?"


    
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the dirty looks, the jealous stares.
 
the best part is, you think i care.

roll your eyes & talk your . 

jealous es make me sick.
the dirty looks, the jealous stares.

the best part is, you think i care.

roll your eyes & talk your .

jealous es make me sick.


Funny Jokes For Women,  
    
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little bow peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard. 

when she would pull down her panties, and sw him her fanny, 

his little wooly ding dong would get hard!
little bow peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard.

when she would pull down her panties, and sw him her fanny,

his little wooly ding dong would get hard!


Short Funny Joke,  
    
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jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some , 

jack got high 

unzipped his fly 

and then they had a little fun, 
jill forgot to take the pill 
and now they have a son.
jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some ,

jack got high

unzipped his fly

and then they had a little fun,
jill forgot to take the pill
and now they have a son.


Funny Nursery Rhymes,  
    
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