Funny Doctor Quotes

 – 101 total
Funny doctor quotes10:00 appointment? I'll see you at 10:45
The first person to “slap” you, the person that makes you cough as they cup you, the person that usually only speaks to you when you're naked wearing a paper robe is probably your doctor. With scenarios like this in mind, it’s easy to come up with jokes about what a doctor would say to you in each situation.

Here we have the best collection funny doctor quotes from all over the Internet. We have searched and found any and everything funny, popular or viral to share here with you. We are always adding new content to this section so be sure to check back often. While you are browsing our collection of jokes, be sure to rate your favorites and share with your friends and kappit!
Me: Give it to me straight doc

Doc: You-

Me: No wait, give it to me gay

Doc: *Snaps fingers* girl bye ur dying
Me: Give it to me straight doc

Doc: You-

Me: No wait, give it to me gay

Doc: *Snaps fingers* girl bye ur dying


Memes,  Funny Gay Sayings,  
    
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Doctor: Oh my God!

Her: What's wrong?

Doctor: Ok don't panic but it looks like you swallowed a baby
Doctor: Oh my God!

Her: What's wrong?

Doctor: Ok don't panic but it looks like you swallowed a baby


Memes,  Funny Pregnancy Sayings,  
    
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doc: any sexual activity?

guy: i drive a really big truck

doc: sir, i don't care if you have a small  answer the question
doc: any sexual activity?

guy: i drive a really big truck

doc: sir, i don't care if you have a small answer the question


Memes,  
    
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mom: we need to know if he has a peanut allergy 

doc: hmm he doesn't look like a  but let's check
mom: we need to know if he has a peanut allergy

doc: hmm he doesn't look like a but let's check


Memes,  Allergy Meme,  Funny Insulting Quotes,  
    
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kid: when i grow up i wanna be a doctor

doc: i'm afraid with your condition that won't be possible

mom: is he gonna die early??

doc: no he's just a ing idiot
kid: when i grow up i wanna be a doctor

doc: i'm afraid with your condition that won't be possible

mom: is he gonna die early??

doc: no he's just a ing idiot


Memes,  Idiot Jokes,  
    
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Doc: So we're gonna have to remove the eyes

Girl: My eyes?!

Doc: No, mine. You're hideous
Doc: So we're gonna have to remove the eyes

Girl: My eyes?!

Doc: No, mine. You're hideous


Memes,  Eye Jokes,  
    
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doctor: ted, i have good news and bad news.

ted: what's the good news?

doctor: your semen sample was flawless.

ted: what's the bad news?

doctor: this was a urine test.
doctor: ted, i have good news and bad news.

ted: what's the good news?

doctor: your semen sample was flawless.

ted: what's the bad news?

doctor: this was a urine test.


Memes,  Patient Jokes,  
    
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doc: we've detected super  levels of vaping and pokemon go

guy: i'm also vegan

doc: dear god
doc: we've detected super levels of vaping and pokemon go

guy: i'm also vegan

doc: dear god


Memes,  Best Gay Insults,  
    
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doc: are you sexually active?

me: i play pokemon go

doc: a simple 'no' would've been fine
doc: are you sexually active?

me: i play pokemon go

doc: a simple 'no' would've been fine


Memes,  Pokemon Go Meme,  
    
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doc: any drugs or alcol

guy: i vape

doc: ok so sexual relations, but any drugs or alcol?
doc: any drugs or alcol

guy: i vape

doc: ok so sexual relations, but any drugs or alcol?


Memes,  Vape Memes,  
    
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doc: can you read this out loud? 

him: 'the cry was sudden but soft like'.. sorry what is this?

doc: it's a novel i'm writing about what a  you've been since you got here
doc: can you read this out loud?

him: 'the cry was sudden but soft like'.. sorry what is this?

doc: it's a novel i'm writing about what a you've been since you got here


Memes,  Writing Jokes,  
    
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cat: i will see you meow

patient: haha

cat: what the  is funny martha
cat: i will see you meow

patient: haha

cat: what the is funny martha


Memes,  Cat Puns,  
    
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be kind to your pharmacist.. she keeps doctors from killing you.
be kind to your pharmacist.. she keeps doctors from killing you.

Pharmacist Jokes,  Funny Ecard Jokes,  
    
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'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'
'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

Laxative Jokes,  Jokes On Doctor,  
    
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dammit, jim!

i'm a doctor, not a mindreader!
dammit, jim!

i'm a doctor, not a mindreader!


Star Trek Humor,  Star Trek Jokes,  Mind Reader Jokes,  
    
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