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Funny Life Advice
– 127 total
Funny Life Advice
– 127 total
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Don't let another person ruin your day
Ruin your own damn day
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Those guys who drink $200 bottles in nightclubs, but work at Footlocker. That bottle just cost you 28 hours o being dressed like a barcode.
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Life is short. Max out your credit cards, skip this months rent, quit your job, get evicted, travel the world, try crack. Treat yo self.
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Life pro tip:
You can use that shoe organizer to hold your candy after the diabetes takes your feet
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By age 30 you should have:
$3 in savings
$5 on credit card debt
Existential dread
A favorite person
One half-dead plant you feel really bad about because your mom keeps asking for grandkids but you're not ready and you though this basil plant would be a good place to start
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In life you have 2 choices
U can lean wit it or u can rock wit it
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Closure isn't real just cut your hair and pretend it didn't happen
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Remember what I told you
Don't even talk to a girl unless
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Steve Carell at age 37 and at age 56. This is how you age like fine wine when you're talented, unproblematic, funny and mind your own business.
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don't smoke pot, kids. you might end up a billionaire rocket scientist that also owns a car company.
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Starting your day with an early morning run is a great
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Fellas, you put the toilet seat down for her but yourself, when has she left it up for you? Know. Your. WOrth.
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I'm ready to wake up to the same person everyday
I prayed for this and God gave me a baby.
Moral of the story: Be specific
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Don't forget drink water and get some sunlight because you're basically a house plant with more complicated emotions
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life hack: reverse that and make your server pay
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