Funny Marriage Advice For Newlyweds

 – 12 total
                  
"i now pronounce you husband and wife

you may now..."
"i now pronounce you husband and wife

you may now..."


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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0  and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly  in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly in Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate


Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html, download Tears 6.2 and be sure to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, please remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly in Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate


Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html, download Tears 6.2 and be sure to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, please remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Tech Support


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To keep a marriage brimming
with love in the loving cup-
When you are wrong, admit it
and when you are right, shut up!


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Husband and wife are like two tires of a vehicle if one punctures, the vehicle can't move further.

Moral: Always keep a spare tire.


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if we get married, divorce is not 

an option. you mad? take you  in the 

other room and calm the f**** down cuz we're going to work this out
if we get married, divorce is not

an option. you mad? take you in the

other room and calm the f**** down cuz we're going to work this out


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The best way to win an argument is to start by being right.

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Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

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If you can't make a simple question sound like an accusation, you're not qualified to be married.

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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards

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Premarital classes should have a chapter on which way to hang the toilet paper.

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