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wife: we can't curse around the kids anymore.
me: what suld i say instead of bull-
wife: shhh say snake instead.
me: [whispers] this is snake
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Felt this on on a personal level
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I'm not really an 'early bird' or a 'night owl'
...More like a permanently exhausted pigeon.
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What I picture when people say "Sending good vibes..."
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"Don't go breaking your neck over people that don't appreciate you
me:
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It took me 21 years to realize it's hard as hail not hard as hell
I was today years old when I found this out
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When you're leaving your parent's house and you say "See you later alligator," and your mom replies with, "In a while, crocodile."
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La Croix taste like if you were drinking carbonated water and someone screamed out lout the name of a specific fruit in the other room
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This is the only version of this sign that's acceptable
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The ol' razzle dazzle
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It ain't easy being wheezy
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Some men just want to watch the world...
Turn
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I can't get these open. Do you mind?
Proof that the pen is mightier than the sword.
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You got a pizza of my heart.
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Practice what you
Peach
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