Funny Witty Quotes

 – 56 total
"Isn't it too early eating?"

Me: 

What time stomachs open? Tell me
"Isn't it too early eating?"

Me:

What time stomachs open? Tell me


Memes,  Eating Memes,  
    
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dudes be like "at least i'm not out here cheating", you be looking at them like "you want a fckn medal for being a decent human being?"
dudes be like "at least i'm not out here cheating", you be looking at them like "you want a fckn medal for being a decent human being?"

Memes,  Dudes Be Like,  Funny Cheating Quotes,  
    
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waiter: and for you miss?

her: i'm a vegan

waiter: beep bop bop

her: excuse me?

waiter: oh i tught we were saying pointless ?
waiter: and for you miss?

her: i'm a vegan

waiter: beep bop bop

her: excuse me?

waiter: oh i tught we were saying pointless ?


Memes,  Funny Vegas Sayings,  Restaurant Memes,  
    
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"So where do we stand?"

"On earth tf"
"So where do we stand?"

"On earth tf"


Memes,  Ruined Childhood,  Arthur Memes,  
    
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"There go ya lil friend. Go speak."
"There go ya lil friend. Go speak."

Memes,  Funny Girlfriend Quotes,  
    
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when my kids are teenagers i'ma be like

i didn't get no ing sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gonna get no sleep cause of me!
when my kids are teenagers i'ma be like

i didn't get no ing sleep cause of y'all, y'all not gonna get no sleep cause of me!


Memes,  Funny Parent Quotes,  
    
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Mom, our relationship means the world to my therapist.
Mom, our relationship means the world to my therapist.

Funny Quotes,  Therapist Jokes,  Mom Meme,  
    
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When someone you don't like falls:

Omg, is the floor okay?!
When someone you don't like falls:

Omg, is the floor okay?!


Memes,  Ariana Grande Meme,  
    
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When someone tries to argue with you on a subject you obsess over

You know nothing
When someone tries to argue with you on a subject you obsess over

You know nothing


Memes,  Argument Jokes,  
    
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if men think with the wrong head

do women talk with the lips?
if men think with the wrong head

do women talk with the lips?


Memes,  Philosoraptor Meme (theme),  Men And Women,  
    
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People ask me, "Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent and creative."

My reply is, "I"m overqualified."
People ask me, "Why are you single? You're attractive, intelligent and creative."

My reply is, "I"m overqualified."


Funny Quotes,  Single Jokes,  Funny Question Jokes,  
    
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My diet could be described as "unchaperoned child at a birthday party".
My diet could be described as "unchaperoned child at a birthday party".

Funny Quotes,  Funny Diet Quotes,  Diet Jokes,  
    
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nope

still can't find a  to give
nope

still can't find a to give


Memes,  Pelican Jokes,  
    
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Communism

Is like one big phone company
Communism

Is like one big phone company


Memes,  Communist Jokes,  Company Jokes,  
    
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a vegetarian is a person w won't eat anything that can have cildren
a vegetarian is a person w won't eat anything that can have cildren

Joke,  David Brenner Jokes,  Vegetarian Puns,  
    
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