Good Long Jokes

 – 34 total
Obviously we've had to implement stringent cost-cutting... We make sure we really haggle with the companies who supply services to us...

Such as auditors...? 

Quite... Pay them as little as possible and they'll send along their most junior people. 

And less chance of them spotting the dodgy products you've got on your books...
Obviously we've had to implement stringent cost-cutting... We make sure we really haggle with the companies who supply services to us...

Such as auditors...?

Quite... Pay them as little as possible and they'll send along their most junior people.

And less chance of them spotting the dodgy products you've got on your books...


Accounting Humor,  Funny Office Comics,  Work And Office Jokes,  
    
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cl, did you have any mework for today? 

forgot

yes f**k!

what cl is this? 

was it for today? 

you kidding? 

no! 

not at all

hm no!

yes, we did!
cl, did you have any mework for today?

forgot

yes f**k!

what cl is this?

was it for today?

you kidding?

no!

not at all

hm no!

yes, we did!


Memes,  Melvin Meme,  Good Jokes For School,  
    
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MY WIFE and I are avid joggers but seldom run together because our speeds are different. One day she started out before I did. Three kilometers later, I overtook her and said in my best Humphrey Bogart voice, "Where you going, sweetheart?" Without missing a stride, she replied,

"Your pace or mine?"


Man And Wife Jokes,  Aerobics Jokes,  
    
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A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a WW. Not knowing what that was, he asked the blonde what it was and she told him a White Wine. So he gave her some white wine.

Another blonde walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a RW. Again not knowing what it was, he asked the blonde. She told him it was a Red Wine. So he gave her some red wine.

Then a 3rd blonde walks into the bar, and asks the bartender for a Double7. Very confused, the bartender asks what that is. And the blonde says, "Duuuh! 15!".


Funny Blonde Joke,  Long Blonde Jokes,  Best Blonde Joke  
    
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Woman: Honey you no I'm a virgin and I no nothing about sex.. explain

Man: Honey lets put it this way your privates a prison and mines a prisoner so you put the prisoner in the prison.

So they have sex for the first time then the man gets tired to take a break the woman says honey the prisoner escaped so they have sex again then he took his dick out for a while because he was so exhausted and the woman says "Honey the prisoner escaped again."

Man: ITS NOT A LIFE LONG SENTENCE OK!


Prison Jokes,  
    
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A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."


Doctor Humor,  Doctor Jokes,  
    
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Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.

One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?"

"I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man.

He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives.

Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding."

"You got a silver compact and a red pickup?"

"The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck."

The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom."

"I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls."

The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot."

"I don't care! Just do it!"

The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"


Gun Jokes,  Shooting Jokes,  
    
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When the lodge meeting broke up, John confided to a friend.

Mike, Im in a terrible pickle! Im strapped for cash and I havent the slightest idea where Im going to get it from!

Im glad to hear that answered Mike. I was afraid you might have an idea you could borrow it from me!


No Money Jokes,  Friend Jokes  
    
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Two guys were playing golf, one of them was about to swing the golf club when he noticed a funeral procession going by on the street.

The man stopped in mid-swing and closed his eyes and said a short prayer.

The other man truly inspired, remarked, clearing his throat, wow that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

Well, the other man said I was married to her for 35 years.


Golf Jokes,  Good Men Jokes,  
    
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A man goes to the doctor with a carrot stuck up his nose and a banana sticking out of his ear and says "Doctor doctor! What's wrong with me?" The doctor says "You're not eating properly."

Eating Jokes,  Doctor Jokes,  
    
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One morning a man wakes up and goes downstairs for his breakfast where he gets a very frosty reception from his wife.
"You were talking in your sleep last night." said his wife, "Who the hell is this Wendy you were talking about all night?"

"Oh," replied the man, "That was Winning Wendy, the horse that I put a bet on last week!"

The man's wife accepted this story and about a week later he came back home from work and as soon as he walked through the door his wife slapped him across the face.

"What the fuck was that for?" screamed the man in pain.

"Oh nothing," replied his wife, "It's just that your horse just phoned....."


Funny Men Jokes,  Breakfast Jokes,  Cheating Humor  
    
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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time in the pub, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll ya have" he asked his wife.
"Oh, I don't know." Replied his wife, "The same as you I guess!"

So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and spat it out.

"Yuck, this is bloody shit!" the wife sputtered, "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go!" cried the husband, "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"


Funny Husband Jokes,  Funny Wife Jokes,  
    
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Two guys in a pub. The first one says, "Shit man! As soon as I get home I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off!"

"What's the rush?" asked his friend.

"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me!" he replied.


Guy Jokes,  Long Leg Jokes,  
    
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Two men and a woman are shipwrecked on a desert island.
After a week the woman is so disgusted with what the men were doing to her, she killed herself.

A week later, the two men were so disgusted with what they were doing that they buried her.

A week later the two men were so disgusted with what they were doing that they dug her up again!


Funny Women Jokes,  Death Puns,  
    
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All the parts of the body were arguing about who was the most important...

The brain said that it was the most important since it did all the thinking. The heart thought it was the most important since it pumped all the blood. The lungs said they were the most important since the gathered the fresh air. Suddenly from the back the asshole spoke up.

"I'm the most important because without me you are all full of shit."


Body Jokes,  Body Parts Jokes,  
    
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