Great Long Jokes

 – 36 total
there was a man with one arm that came to america trying to look for a job, but since he only had one arm no one wanted to hire him. so the poor man decided to kill himself by jumping off a building. 

he went to the highest floor of the building and was about to jump when he seen a man on the street with no arms dancing. 
so the man tught to himself 'i have one arm and i'm about to kill myself, but that man has no arms and he's dancing. 

the man gets off the building and goes to the man with no arms and says "i have one arm and i'm about to kill myself, but you have no arms and your here dancing." 

the man with no arms says "dancing? im trying to scratch my !"
there was a man with one arm that came to america trying to look for a job, but since he only had one arm no one wanted to hire him. so the poor man decided to kill himself by jumping off a building.

he went to the highest floor of the building and was about to jump when he seen a man on the street with no arms dancing.
so the man tught to himself 'i have one arm and i'm about to kill myself, but that man has no arms and he's dancing.

the man gets off the building and goes to the man with no arms and says "i have one arm and i'm about to kill myself, but you have no arms and your here dancing."

the man with no arms says "dancing? im trying to scratch my !"


One Arm Jokes,  Funny Suicide Jokes,  
    
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Come on!

What's keeping him?!

That husband of mine is so inconsiderate!

This is the last time I take him grocery shopping with me. 

I'm finished shopping but he's nowhere to be found!

I'll bet he met someone he knows and they're having a gab fest somewhere!

What's keeping him?! This is just like Earl to forget all about me. 

I swear, that man is getting more forgetful every day!

Hey, dad, have you seen mom lately? 

She went to the store a few hours ago.
Come on!

What's keeping him?!

That husband of mine is so inconsiderate!

This is the last time I take him grocery shopping with me.

I'm finished shopping but he's nowhere to be found!

I'll bet he met someone he knows and they're having a gab fest somewhere!

What's keeping him?! This is just like Earl to forget all about me.

I swear, that man is getting more forgetful every day!

Hey, dad, have you seen mom lately?

She went to the store a few hours ago.


Funny Marriage Comics,  Best Marriage Jokes,  
    
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poker face

*sitting in le government cl

professor derp

alright cl, thats all for today. have a nice weekend. 

aaaaaaaaaawwwwww



wait, professor. dont we have a chapter outline due today? 

herpington 

shut up melvin. have a nice weekend. 

okay
poker face

*sitting in le government cl

professor derp

alright cl, thats all for today. have a nice weekend.

aaaaaaaaaawwwwww



wait, professor. dont we have a chapter outline due today?

herpington

shut up melvin. have a nice weekend.

okay


Memes,  Melvin Jokes,  Rofl Meme,  
    
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JOGGING for the first time in my new neighborhood, I saw another solitary figure running toward me. "Nice day, isn't it?" I called out. We passed before he could reply. The next day I set out again, and saw the same runner heading toward me. As we quickly passed, he shouted back, "It sure is!"

Jogging Jokes,  Aerobics Jokes  
    
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There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, "I heard on TV that wine is good for the health." The other one said, "Well, let's go to Italy, then. The Italians drink lots of wine."

So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by, the vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge.

A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge.

Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing.

The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge, singing, "Drained wops keep falling on my head..."


Funny Wine Jokes,  Best Long Jokes,  Funny Vampire Jokes,  
    
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Had to do a team building exercise at work today. We had to pretend there were five of us stranded in a boat each with different skills with only enough supplies for four. We had to decide who should go over-board to ensure the survival of the remaining four.

Apparently Abdul should go because hes a wog isnt an acceptable answer and can get you sacked.


Fired Jokes,  Work Humor,  
    
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I lost my job yesterday after taking 4 days on a team building exercise that should have only taken half a day at the most.

I dont think they realise how much effort went into balancing that perfect fantasy football team.


Job Humor,  Fired Jokes,  Work Jokes,  
    
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Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar.

"Lets get out of here!" said Sauer.

"Go on, ifn you want to," said the other redneck.

"But Ahm stayin for the whole movie!"


Movie Jokes,  Lion Jokes,  Zoo Jokes,  
    
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A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.

The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out.

A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'


Snail Jokes,  Beer Jokes,  Bar Puns,  
    
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A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.

He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?"

"Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."


Tree Jokes,  Apple Puns,  Snail Puns,  
    
100%

When you feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me Ill take you to an eye specialist.

Eye Jokes,  Lonely Jokes,  Eye Puns,  
    
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A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,
"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren,
and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"


Hiccups Jokes,  Scared Jokes,  Best Doctor Jokes  
    
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A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."

"But I don't have the fingers!"

"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.

"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."


Best Doctor Jokes,  Hospital Jokes,  
    
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Anne was on her deathbed breathing her last. Anne, said Annes husband Jim.

Please, please,tell me, is there anything I can do for you? Well croaked Anne, There is something.

After I die, it would mean so much to me if you would marry my best friend Sandra. You have nothing to worry about Anne said Jim taking her hand, Ive been thinking about that for a while now already.


Death Jokes,  Getting Married Jokes,  
    
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An Irish maid asked permission to go home for a few days. She had a telegram saying her mother was sick.

"Certainly you may go," said the mistress, "only don't stay longer than is necessary, as we need you."

A week passed, and not a word from her. Then came a note from her which read, "Dear ma'am, I will be back nex week, an' plase keep my place for me, my mother is dying as fast as she can."


Long Jokes,  Sick Jokes,  Irish Puns,  
    
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