A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid, they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 Packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays...
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
p.s : I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this letter from the Mailbox. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back and burn the letter. But it was too late. The mailman had already taken my letter"
A few days later he received a letter from Kanjibhai his father. It read:
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"
Long long time ago, before he got married, was traveling from Ahemadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also traveling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning.
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.
Both were Single.
Both were Gujaratis.
Both were going to Bombay.
Both were Schoolteachers.
Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, traveled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.
They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.
The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.
So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rickshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.
Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, "Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything together! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio...to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
Kanjibhai called one of his employees into the office.
"Rohit," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department.
Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said Rohit.
"Thanks?" Kanjibhai replied. "Is that all you can say?"
An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldnt be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.
The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewelry, and a million US dollars.
Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujaratis kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.
The Arab replied Bapu..now I have only Gujju blood in my veins!
Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf."
The doctor answers,
"Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says, "Muna ni Ba , what's for dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Eh are you listening , what's for dinner?" Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, Rupaben answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having THEPLA!"
Mister Nene, his wife and his son were returning by train to home in Maharastra after taking a trip of South India. Mister Nene was occupying the lower berth, his wife had the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train.
When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way, the son requested his father to buy him a cup of ice cream to which he readily agreed and got off the train. When they returned, they found that a Gujju bhai who couldn't understand Hindi or Marathi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Mister Nene called the TT and asked him to help. TT was a South Indian who stated that he could not understand Hindi, Marathi or Gujarati so it would be better if Mister Nene explained the whole situation to him in English.
So Mr. Nene explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."