Gujarati Jokes

 – 31 total
A young Gujju boy starts attending public school in a small town.

The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student.

She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"

A girl raises her hand and says,

"I think George Washington was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country."

The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."

Another young student raises his hand and says,

"I think Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped end the civil war."

"Well, that's another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."

Then the Gujju boy raises his hand and says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived."

The teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she says, that's the answer I was looking for."

She then brings him up to the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.

Later, during recess, another desi boy approaches him as he is licking his lollipop.

He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"

The Gujju boy stops licking his lollipop and replies,

"Look, I know it's Krishna, and YOU know it's Krishna, but business is business."

Religious Jokes,  Gujju Jokes,  

Q) What did a Gujju say when a raw mango fell on doctor's head.

A) Carry (Keri) on Doctor.

Funny Gujju Jokes,  Jokes On Doctor,  Jokes About Fruit  

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid, they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 Packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

Love Smita

PS: And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays...

Weird Jokes  

Q) How do Gujju's pronounce the word 'fatigue'?

A) Faa-tee-gee-u!

Accent Jokes,  Random Jokes  

Q) Why did the gujju go to London?

A) To see BIG BEHN.

England Jokes,  Foreign Jokes  

An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldnt be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood.

The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Hummer, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewelry, and a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujaratis kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner.

The Arab replied I have only Gujju blood in my veins!

Cheap People Jokes,  Medical Jokes,  Arab Racist Jokes,  

Rohit studying in college wrote a letter home:

"Dear Ba and Bapuji,

I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son,

p.s : I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this letter from the Mailbox. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back and burn the letter. But it was too late. The mailman had already taken my letter"

A few days later he received a letter from Kanjibhai his father. It read:

"Dear Rohit,
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"
Your Bapuji.

Lol Funny,  Family Friendly Jokes,  Funny Clean Jokes  

Kanjibhai patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Dikri, Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

Oh, Bapuji ," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Kanjibhai "You just take her with you.

Hilarious Marriage Jokes,  Father Daughter Jokes  

Kanjibhai called one of his employees into the office.

"Rohit," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department.

Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said Rohit.

"Thanks?" Kanjibhai replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," Rohit said. "Thanks, Bapuji."

Funny Gujju Jokes,  Job Office Jokes  

Long long time ago, before he got married, was traveling from Ahemadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also traveling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning.

Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.

Both were Single.

Both were Gujaratis.

Both were going to Bombay.

Both were Schoolteachers.

Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.

They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, traveled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.

They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.

The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.

So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rickshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.

Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, "Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything together! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!

Funny Hindi Jokes,  Gujrathi Jokes  

Q :- Why won't the gujju jeweller sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?

A :- The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for 'Kesh'

Hindi Jokes,  Gujju Jokes  

Rupaben likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband Kanjibhai heads out of the house. Hurt and a little dejected, Rupaben asked muna na Bapa,

"Don't you like my singing?"

"Of course, Dear," muna na Bapa replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Violence Jokes,  Neighbor Humor,  Singing Jokes  

Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf."

The doctor answers,
"Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."

Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out.

He walks in the door and says, "Muna ni Ba , what's for dinner?"

He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.

"Eh are you listening , what's for dinner?" Still no answer.

He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, Rupaben answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having THEPLA!"

Deaf Jokes,  Hilarious Marriage Jokes,  Best Joke Of All Time  

An Ahmedabadi called the obituary section of a leading local newspaper. He inquired-"Tell me, how much would it cost to have an obitualry printed in your Newspaper".

The ad clerk politely told him, "It would be Rupees 100 a word, sir!"

"Thats fine", said Lalloobhai Ahmedabadi after a moment of cost calculation.

"OK, then take them down, Jagdukaka Dead" He dictated to the clerk.

"Oh, that's all?" asked the clerk anticipating big writeup for dear ones.

"Yes, that's it. And charge rupees two hundred to my credit card, please, here is number".

"Hold it Sir, I am sorry, but I should have informed you that the Ad must be for minimum five hundred rupees and you may have minimum five words".

Lalloobhai got annoyed at the failures of his cost calculations. He blasted the Clerk, "Yes, you should have told me that, ahead".

After a moment of updating his cost versus benefit calcs, he loudlly dictated again, "OK write, Jagdukaka dead, Honda for Sale".

Gujju Jokes,  Newspaper Joke  

A Marwadi guy and a Gujarati guy went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner one night. Finally, the waiter came over and asked, "Who should I give the check to?"

The Marwadi guy said, "Give it to me. I'll take care of everything."

"Fine," said the waiter.

The next day the headlines read: 'Gujrarati Ventriloquist Strangled to Death'

Gujrathi Jokes,  English Jokes Funny  

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