An Irish maid asked permission to go home for a few days. She had a telegram saying her mother was sick.
"Certainly you may go," said the mistress, "only don't stay longer than is necessary, as we need you."
A week passed, and not a word from her. Then came a note from her which read, "Dear ma'am, I will be back nex week, an' plase keep my place for me, my mother is dying as fast as she can."
An Englishmen, Irishmen, Scotsman, Australian, Yankee, African, Elephant, Refrigerator, Two blondes, a faggot, Jew and a crocodile walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "Is this some kind of joke?"
A Chinese guy, an Italian and an Irishman arrived for their first day working on a construction site and reported to the foreman's office.
The foreman pointed to a huge pile of sand and said, "I want you three guys to make a huge dent in that sandpile there!"
The foreman then grabbed the Italian and said, "You are in charge of sweeping!" "OK" said the Italian.
The foreman then grabbed the Irishman and said, "You are in charge of digging!" "Righto!" said the Irishman.
The foreman then grabbed the Chinaman and said, "You are in charge of supplies!" "I happy for this job!" replied the Chinaman.
The foreman then leaves the site and when he returned two hours later he found that the pile of sand hasn't been touched and the Italian and the Irishman are standing next to it doing nothing!"Why the fuck havn't you touched any of that sand?" screamed the foreman.
The Italian stepped forward and said, "We both didn't have a broom or a shovel and you let the Chinaman be in charge of supplies, but he disappeared a couple of minutes after you left and we just can't find him!
"The foreman then stormed off in search of the Chinaman but after checking the entire site he couldn't find him. Just as the foreman was about to give up looking the Chinaman suddenly popped his head out of the sand and shouted, "Supplies, I'm here!"