Jim Jefferies Jokes

 – 22 total
"Now why is there no mention of kangaroos in the bible? Could it be that when the bible was written. Australia hadn't been found. There fore: no mention of kangaroos.

But didn't god create kangaroos? isn't the bible written through the hand of man through the voice of god? why wouldn't he mention the kangaroos? they're such an exiting animal!

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the bible that are within a five mile radius of the guy writing it!

If I was god, at the end of the bible, I would have leant in and gone: Oi! tell them it's round!"

-Jim Jefferies (alcoholocaust)
"Now why is there no mention of kangaroos in the bible? Could it be that when the bible was written. Australia hadn't been found. There fore: no mention of kangaroos.

But didn't god create kangaroos? isn't the bible written through the hand of man through the voice of god? why wouldn't he mention the kangaroos? they're such an exiting animal!

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the bible that are within a five mile radius of the guy writing it!

If I was god, at the end of the bible, I would have leant in and gone: Oi! tell them it's round!"

-Jim Jefferies (alcoholocaust)


Memes,  Kangaroo Jokes,  
    
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"God selects countries, that's why they always say 'god bless america', because the world's billions of years old and america's 250 years old... and that's when god decided to choose a team."

-Jim Jeffries.
"God selects countries, that's why they always say 'god bless america', because the world's billions of years old and america's 250 years old... and that's when god decided to choose a team."

-Jim Jeffries.


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Ever asked a non-drinker why they don't drink? They always answer:

"I don't like the taste of it"

Nobody does!

We drink because we have to!!
Ever asked a non-drinker why they don't drink? They always answer:

"I don't like the taste of it"

Nobody does!

We drink because we have to!!


Memes,  Drink Jokes,  
    
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Watched Jim Jefferies with girlfriend

Didn't break up
Watched Jim Jefferies with girlfriend

Didn't break up


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I don't always click a Jim Jefferies link...

But when I do, I automatically change it to reddit...
I don't always click a Jim Jefferies link...

But when I do, I automatically change it to reddit...


Memes,  Reddit Jokes,  
    
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noah built a boat. and noah lived to 950 years old. but they never mention that in a sermon, 'cos we might think it's bull.

jim jefferies
noah built a boat. and noah lived to 950 years old. but they never mention that in a sermon, 'cos we might think it's bull.

jim jefferies


Memes,  Bible Jokes,  
    
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valentines day means

w much money do i have to spend so that you dont act like a
valentines day means

w much money do i have to spend so that you dont act like a


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actors are nothing. they're the lowest level of the entertainment ladder, the bottom rung! everyone else in the entertainment industry is more talented then actors. jugglers are more talented. at least they have to catch something

tatum o'neal was 10 years old; anna paquin was 11 years old. both won oscars. now think of your job right now. is there a 10 or 11 year old that's better than you at your job? if the answer is yes, then your occupation is e.

-jim jefferies
actors are nothing. they're the lowest level of the entertainment ladder, the bottom rung! everyone else in the entertainment industry is more talented then actors. jugglers are more talented. at least they have to catch something

tatum o'neal was 10 years old; anna paquin was 11 years old. both won oscars. now think of your job right now. is there a 10 or 11 year old that's better than you at your job? if the answer is yes, then your occupation is e.

-jim jefferies


Memes,  Actor Jokes,  
    
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jim jefferies on religious people

"religious people will forgive god for ing anything. [...] when he does bad things like hurricanes, aids, cancer, child molestation, then we just go 'ah well... god works in mysterious ways'. what type of an excuse is that? what is mysterious about acting like a ing le?."
jim jefferies on religious people

"religious people will forgive god for ing anything. [...] when he does bad things like hurricanes, aids, cancer, child molestation, then we just go 'ah well... god works in mysterious ways'. what type of an excuse is that? what is mysterious about acting like a ing le?."


Memes,  Offensive Religious Jokes,  
    
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i protested for  marriage i believe very strongly in  marriage

my reasoning is so simple. if you don't believe in  marriage, you're head because...

...it's got nothing to ing do with you. it doesn't matter! doesn't matter w loves w, or w wants to be with w.

if you hate  marriage, you know what you suld do? don't marry a  person.
i protested for marriage i believe very strongly in marriage

my reasoning is so simple. if you don't believe in marriage, you're head because...

...it's got nothing to ing do with you. it doesn't matter! doesn't matter w loves w, or w wants to be with w.

if you hate marriage, you know what you suld do? don't marry a person.


Memes,  Gay Marriage Jokes,  
    
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on porn it seems very inviting, she seem to be having fun

but the thing is... you can't smell porn.
on porn it seems very inviting, she seem to be having fun

but the thing is... you can't smell porn.


Memes,  
    
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"if you don't believe in  marriage you're a head because it's got nothing to ing do with you"- jim jefferies
"if you don't believe in marriage you're a head because it's got nothing to ing do with you"- jim jefferies

Memes,  Gay Marriage Jokes,  
    
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i could never  something i respect.
i could never something i respect.

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"if you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, and then i got me..."

jim jefferies
"if you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, and then i got me..."

jim jefferies


Memes,  Best Drinking Jokes,  
    
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jim jefferies impersonates god

"i hate gots! i also hate people eating shrimp, i mentioned that eight times on my book where i only mentioned twice that i hate sexuals, but people seem to really enjoy eating shrimps so i've forgotten about that rule. but i'm still very certain that i hate got."
jim jefferies impersonates god

"i hate gots! i also hate people eating shrimp, i mentioned that eight times on my book where i only mentioned twice that i hate sexuals, but people seem to really enjoy eating shrimps so i've forgotten about that rule. but i'm still very certain that i hate got."


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