Jim Jefferies Jokes

 – 22 total
"Now why is there no mention of kangaroos in the bible? Could it be that when the bible was written. Australia hadn't been found. There fore: no mention of kangaroos.

But didn't god create kangaroos? isn't the bible written through the hand of man through the voice of god? why wouldn't he mention the kangaroos? they're such an exiting animal!

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the bible that are within a five mile radius of the guy writing it!

If I was god, at the end of the bible, I would have leant in and gone: Oi! tell them it's round!"

-Jim Jefferies (alcoholocaust)
"Now why is there no mention of kangaroos in the bible? Could it be that when the bible was written. Australia hadn't been found. There fore: no mention of kangaroos.

But didn't god create kangaroos? isn't the bible written through the hand of man through the voice of god? why wouldn't he mention the kangaroos? they're such an exiting animal!

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the bible that are within a five mile radius of the guy writing it!

If I was god, at the end of the bible, I would have leant in and gone: Oi! tell them it's round!"

-Jim Jefferies (alcoholocaust)


Memes,  Kangaroo Jokes,  
    
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Watched Jim Jefferies with girlfriend

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Didn't break up


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"God selects countries, that's why they always say 'god bless america', because the world's billions of years old and america's 250 years old... and that's when god decided to choose a team."

-Jim Jeffries.
"God selects countries, that's why they always say 'god bless america', because the world's billions of years old and america's 250 years old... and that's when god decided to choose a team."

-Jim Jeffries.


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Ever asked a non-drinker why they don't drink? They always answer:

"I don't like the taste of it"

Nobody does!

We drink because we have to!!
Ever asked a non-drinker why they don't drink? They always answer:

"I don't like the taste of it"

Nobody does!

We drink because we have to!!


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I don't always click a Jim Jefferies link...

But when I do, I automatically change it to reddit...
I don't always click a Jim Jefferies link...

But when I do, I automatically change it to reddit...


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noah built a boat. and noah lived to 950 years old. but they never mention that in a sermon, 'cos we might think it's bull.

jim jefferies
noah built a boat. and noah lived to 950 years old. but they never mention that in a sermon, 'cos we might think it's bull.

jim jefferies


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jim jefferies on religious people

"religious people will forgive god for ing anything. [...] when he does bad things like hurricanes, aids, cancer, child molestation, then we just go 'ah well... god works in mysterious ways'. what type of an excuse is that? what is mysterious about acting like a ing le?."
jim jefferies on religious people

"religious people will forgive god for ing anything. [...] when he does bad things like hurricanes, aids, cancer, child molestation, then we just go 'ah well... god works in mysterious ways'. what type of an excuse is that? what is mysterious about acting like a ing le?."


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actors are nothing. they're the lowest level of the entertainment ladder, the bottom rung! everyone else in the entertainment industry is more talented then actors. jugglers are more talented. at least they have to catch something

tatum o'neal was 10 years old; anna paquin was 11 years old. both won oscars. now think of your job right now. is there a 10 or 11 year old that's better than you at your job? if the answer is yes, then your occupation is e.

-jim jefferies
actors are nothing. they're the lowest level of the entertainment ladder, the bottom rung! everyone else in the entertainment industry is more talented then actors. jugglers are more talented. at least they have to catch something

tatum o'neal was 10 years old; anna paquin was 11 years old. both won oscars. now think of your job right now. is there a 10 or 11 year old that's better than you at your job? if the answer is yes, then your occupation is e.

-jim jefferies


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on porn it seems very inviting, she seem to be having fun

but the thing is... you can't smell porn.
on porn it seems very inviting, she seem to be having fun

but the thing is... you can't smell porn.


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i protested for  marriage i believe very strongly in  marriage

my reasoning is so simple. if you don't believe in  marriage, you're head because...

...it's got nothing to ing do with you. it doesn't matter! doesn't matter w loves w, or w wants to be with w.

if you hate  marriage, you know what you suld do? don't marry a  person.
i protested for marriage i believe very strongly in marriage

my reasoning is so simple. if you don't believe in marriage, you're head because...

...it's got nothing to ing do with you. it doesn't matter! doesn't matter w loves w, or w wants to be with w.

if you hate marriage, you know what you suld do? don't marry a person.


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"if you don't believe in  marriage you're a head because it's got nothing to ing do with you"- jim jefferies
"if you don't believe in marriage you're a head because it's got nothing to ing do with you"- jim jefferies

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i don't think i could be muslim, because they can't eat bacon or drink  and tse are like the two greatest things in the world.

you take bacon and  away from me and i'll fly a plane into a ing building too.
i don't think i could be muslim, because they can't eat bacon or drink and tse are like the two greatest things in the world.

you take bacon and away from me and i'll fly a plane into a ing building too.


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i could never  something i respect.
i could never something i respect.

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"if you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, and then i got me..."

jim jefferies
"if you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, and then i got me..."

jim jefferies


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