Jimmy Carr Jokes List

 – 9 total
I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.

Pregnant Woman Jokes,  Funny Stand Up Jokes By Comedians  
    
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I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.

Viagra Jokes,  
    
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My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Funny Girlfriend Jokes,  Cooking Jokes,  
    
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I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

War And Military Jokes,  War Jokes,  
    
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A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Funny Fat Women,  Funny Fat Girl,  
    
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I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said "It's nice to see so many bums on seats".

Homeless Jokes,  Jimmy Carr Jokes  
    
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Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

Eye Jokes,  Jokes N Comedy  
    
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In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

Pizza Puns,  Italian Food Jokes,  
    
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I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

Tampon Jokes,  Short Funny Birthday Jokes,  Clean Birthday Jokes  
    
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