Jimmy Carr Jokes List

 – 9 total
I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.

Pregnant Woman Jokes,  Funny Stand Up Jokes By Comedians  

I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.

Viagra Jokes,  

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

Funny Girlfriend Jokes,  Cooking Jokes,  

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

War And Military Jokes,  War Jokes,  

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

Funny Fat Women,  Funny Fat Girl,  

I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said "It's nice to see so many bums on seats".

Homeless Jokes,  Jimmy Carr Jokes  

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

Eye Jokes,  Jokes N Comedy  

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.

Pizza Puns,  Italian Food Jokes,  

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

Tampon Jokes,  Short Funny Birthday Jokes,  Clean Birthday Jokes  

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