Long Jokes

 – 35 total
why the long chin

straighten that  out!!!
why the long chin

straighten that out!!!


Memes,  Chin Jokes,  Picard Meme (theme),  
    
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Funny Jokes,  Funny Twitter Jokes,  
    
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A Maulana, a Sardarji and a Maharashtrian Brahmin happened to be in a boat which sprang a leak. The boat began to fill with water and it looked all the three would be drowned. The Maulana prayed to Allah for help: "Great and mighty Allah! Thou art compassionate and merciful. Save thy faithful servant from doom. I promise to say many extra namaazes and observe many extra rozas (fasts) if my life is saved." Lo and behold! A hand stretched down from the heavens and lifted the Maulana from the sinking boat and dropped him safely on land.

The Sardarji raised his hands to the heavens and cried "Merciful Wahgurul Save thy faithful gursikh and I promise to have a hundred akhand paaths." Lo and behold! another hand stretched down from the heavens and lifted the Sardarji from the sinking boat and dropped him unharmed on the land.

It was the turn of the Maharashtrian Brahmin. He too raised his hands to the heavens and prayed to his favourite deity "O thou Omnipotent and all-wise Ganpati Bapal Save me as those two have been saved by their gods." Lo and behold! Ganpati himself came down from the heavens and began to dance the tandavam in the boat and make it rock violently. "Ganpati Bapa," pleaded the poor Maharashtrian, "if you go on doing this, I'll be drowned."

Replied the God of auspicious beginnings, "You humans drown me every year in rivers and oceans. I will do the same to you."


Marathi Jokes,  Foreign Jokes,  Religious Jokes,  
    
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THE day after my husband participated in an Iron man Triathlon - a 2.4-mile swim, 112 miles of biking and a 26.2-mile run - we stopped at a picnic site for lunch on our way home. Getting out of the car, Pete dropped the keys on the road. As he slowly, carefully, painfully leaned down to pick them up, a passerby said, "Looks like you could use a little exercise."

Iron Man Joke,  Stupid Husband Jokes,  Aerobics Jokes  
    
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WAITING for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight - all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now."

Aerobics Jokes,  Brother In Law Jokes  
    
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There was a boy who lost his eye and his parents coulsnt afford a glass eye so they got him a wooden eye. When he went to prom a 

Few years later he saw a girl with a hairlip and asked her to dance and she said" WOULD EYE! WOULD EYE!" and so he thought if she made fun of him he would make fun of her so he said " HAiRlIP!"
There was a boy who lost his eye and his parents coulsnt afford a glass eye so they got him a wooden eye. When he went to prom a

Few years later he saw a girl with a hairlip and asked her to dance and she said" WOULD EYE! WOULD EYE!" and so he thought if she made fun of him he would make fun of her so he said " HAiRlIP!"


Hair Lip Jokes,  Success Kid Meme (theme),  
    
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Sarah, a Sales Associate at Walmart, notices a man in the card section.

When she walks by an hour later and sees him still there she walks over to see if she can help.

Can I help you? she asks.

Well I dont know the man responds Im having a problem, I cant find anything that my wife would believe!


Walmart Jokes,  Workplace Jokes,  Long Jokes For Kids,  
    
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Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. Can you give me a push, asked the man at the door.

Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked a bit drunk, slammed the door in his face and went back to bed. Shame on you, said his wife Sally, when hearing the story. You remember on our vacation how our car got stuck in the middle of the night and that man helped us, go out there and push his car.

So Jeff trudges back out of bed, opens the door, and calls out Ok Im here to give you a push, where are you? Im over here in the back came the voice on the swing.


Drunk Jokes,  Drinking Jokes,  Good Men Jokes,  
    
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While working in a post office, a lady barged in complaining that she got home to find a note from the mail man saying that he tried to deliver a package but nobody was home. My husband was home all day!, she fumed. After giving her the package I heard her tell somebody Oh, Im so excited, my husbands new hearing aids!

Office Puns,  Best Husband Jokes,  
    
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Did you hear the story about the middle aged lady who went to the casino?

Sandy went to the casino for the first time and ended up by a table playing roulette. How does one decide which number to pick?

She wondered aloud.

I picked my age suggested an older gentleman on her left. So Sandy decided to pick the number thirty two. The Croupier gave the wheel a spin, it landed on forty seven, and Sandy fell over in a faint.


Best Woman Jokes,  Story Jokes,  
    
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The business I work for had a dinner together with all family members.

Before the first speech, the emcee gave the following announcement, we kindly ask if you can please put all cell phones and children on vibrate.


Cell Phone Jokes,  Dinner Jokes,  
    
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An Irish maid asked permission to go home for a few days. She had a telegram saying her mother was sick.

"Certainly you may go," said the mistress, "only don't stay longer than is necessary, as we need you."

A week passed, and not a word from her. Then came a note from her which read, "Dear ma'am, I will be back nex week, an' plase keep my place for me, my mother is dying as fast as she can."


Sick Jokes,  Irish Puns,  Great Long Jokes  
    
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Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month I'm gonna lose my fucking arse!"

Just then, and too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately he apologised.

"That's OK." replied the blonde, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm gonna lose my fucking car!"


Car Salesman Jokes,  Car Jokes,  
    
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One night a husband and wife were asleep in bed when the telephone suddenly rang.

The husband picked the phone up and said, "Hello? What? It's 2 am!

What do you think I am, the fucking weatherman or something?" and slammed the phone down.

The wife looked over totally bewildered and asked, "Who was that?"

"I don't know," replied the husband, "It was just some stupid guy asking if the coast was clear!"


Funny Husband Jokes,  Funny Wife Jokes,  Cheating Jokes  
    
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"I always worry when you leave for the weekend with the boys."

Sobbed the pretty young housewife.

"Don't worry about me, baby," he sighed, "I'll be back before you known it!"

"I know," she said, "That's what worries me."


Good Wife Jokes,  Story Jokes  
    
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