Mitch Hedberg Jokes List

 – 31 total
"i smoke cigars occasionally, i dont know a lot about cigars. like im at the cigar store, the man behind the counter says what kind of cigars do you like uhh itsaboys."

- mitch hedberg
"i smoke cigars occasionally, i dont know a lot about cigars. like im at the cigar store, the man behind the counter says what kind of cigars do you like uhh itsaboys."

- mitch hedberg


Funny Jokes,  Funny Smoking Quotes,  
    
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i called stgun once

but we ordered a limo so i ed up.
i called stgun once

but we ordered a limo so i ed up.


Meme,  Limo Jokes,  
    
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Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load stuff into a truck. 

Mitch Hedberg
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load stuff into a truck.

Mitch Hedberg


Funny Jokes,  Jokes For Your Friends,  
    
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I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others. 

Now I own the LA Clippers.

The hair salon. I'm rich, not racist.
I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

Now I own the LA Clippers.

The hair salon. I'm rich, not racist.


Funny Jokes,  Los Angeles Clippers Jokes,  
    
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I have a sweater that is dry clean only. 

That means it is dirty. 

Until my maid cleans it!
I have a sweater that is dry clean only.

That means it is dirty.

Until my maid cleans it!


Funny Jokes,  Sweater Jokes,  
    
100%

"La Quinta" is Spanish for "next to Denny's"
"La Quinta" is Spanish for "next to Denny's"

Meme,  Hotel Jokes,  
    
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?" 

--Mitch Hedberg
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool opotamus?"

--Mitch Hedberg


Funny Jokes,  Cool Jokes For Kids,  
    
100%

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"Dogs are forever in the push up position." 

--Mitch Hedberg
"Dogs are forever in the push up position."

--Mitch Hedberg


Funny Facts,  Funny Jokes About Dogs,  
    
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It takes forever to cook a baked potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there even if I don't want one. By the time it's done, who knows? 

Mitch Hedberg
It takes forever to cook a baked potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there even if I don't want one. By the time it's done, who knows?

Mitch Hedberg


Funny Quotes,  Potato Jokes,  
    
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I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.
I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

Meme,  Comediest Jokes,  
    
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i've got so much tartar

i don't have to dip my fish sticks in !
i've got so much tartar

i don't have to dip my fish sticks in !


Meme,  Funny Fish Sayings,  
    
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"I remixed a remix, it was back to normal." 

-Mitch Hedberg
"I remixed a remix, it was back to normal."

-Mitch Hedberg


Funny Jokes,  Funny Music Quotes,  
    
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What does a sesame seed grow into? 

I don't know, we never gave them a chance!
What does a sesame seed grow into?

I don't know, we never gave them a chance!


Meme,  Jokes On Food,  
    
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"Know what I'm talking about?"

Yeah! "I don't."
"Know what I'm talking about?"

Yeah! "I don't."


Funny Quotes,  Quotes Of The Day Funny,  
    
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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "you're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. 

Mitch Hedberg
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "you're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Mitch Hedberg


Funny Jokes,  Quick Fire Jokes,  
    
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