My wife and I both made a list of five people we could sleep with. She read hers out and there were no surprises...1 George Clooney...2 Brad Pitt etc...I thought Ive got the better deal here...1 Your sister - Michael McIntyre
I was devastated to learn my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we are stoning the infidel tomorrow.