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When you're buying flowers for your girl and the lady at the register says "Where can I find a man like you"
Me: Right here baby, I cheat
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y'all: be his peace
*me on my fifth drink, about to bring some up from two years ago*:
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Me test driving cars with zero intention of buying them
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So you're just gonna let me ignore you?
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Me after sending a "drunk text" and knowing damn well I been wanting to say that sh*t.
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My dad punched a hole in the wall so my sister framed like an exhibit in an art gallery to mock him.
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some girl asked my man, "is she your girlfriend girlfriend or just a girl you're talking to?" ......!!!!! if i kill you are you dead dead or just not breathing
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"Fix your attitude or leave"
Me:
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Boot your ex's car for $28.99
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How I apologize
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*Waits 12 minutes to reply after being ignored for 2 days*
I did that honey !! He is shook to the core !! A taste of his own medicine !!!
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Me after I blocked his number in mid argument while he was still typing
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Me texting him wyd an hour after cutting him off
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I called my mom a peasant and she sent me a pic of her bank account and said your turn and I'm lmfao
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