Selfish Jokes

 – 70 total
Me: Not long until Christmas, I better start buying for my family

Other me: Treat yo self
Me: Not long until Christmas, I better start buying for my family

Other me: Treat yo self


Memes,  Shopping Jokes,  Christmas Gift Jokes,  
    
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Sponsored Ad
"What are we"

Well you're mine and I'm single
"What are we"

Well you're mine and I'm single


Memes,  Future Memes,  
    
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Me: I should invite them over for Thanksgiving since they have nowhere to go

Also me: Lie so you have more leftovers
Me: I should invite them over for Thanksgiving since they have nowhere to go

Also me: Lie so you have more leftovers


Memes,  Funny Thanksgiving,  Evil Kermit Meme,  
    
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Cashier: Would like u to donate 10 cents to the childrens hospital

Me: Look man I'm not Bill Gates
Cashier: Would like u to donate 10 cents to the childrens hospital

Me: Look man I'm not Bill Gates


Memes,  Charity Jokes,  
    
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worker: would you like to donate $1 for sick kids?

me: haha  that but lemme get another double cheeseburder
worker: would you like to donate $1 for sick kids?

me: haha that but lemme get another double cheeseburder


Memes,  Drive Thru Jokes,  Charity Jokes,  
    
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Cashier: Your total is $123.67. Would you like to donate $1 to charity?

Me:
Cashier: Your total is $123.67. Would you like to donate $1 to charity?

Me:


Memes,  Cashier Meme,  Shopping Memes,  
    
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I deserve this

I've been shellfish all my life
I deserve this

I've been shellfish all my life


Crab Puns,  Crab Jokes,  
    
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Sponsored Ad
Gives away $250,000 to be reunited with his camaro

Can't afford basic healthcare for workers.
Gives away $250,000 to be reunited with his camaro

Can't afford basic healthcare for workers.


Chevy Camaro Jokes,  Healthcare Jokes,  
    
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cashier: would like to make a donation to help dying children and puppies in need?

me: why you gotta make me look like a selfish  rn i just wanted to get some milk
cashier: would like to make a donation to help dying children and puppies in need?

me: why you gotta make me look like a selfish rn i just wanted to get some milk


Funny Quotes,  Funny Shopping Quotes,  
    
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You ate all the shrimp? 

That's so shellfish!
You ate all the shrimp?

That's so shellfish!


Shrimp Jokes,  Lame Pun Racoon (theme),  Seafood Puns,  
    
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Why wouldn't the shrimp share his stuff

He was a little shellfish
Why wouldn't the shrimp share his stuff

He was a little shellfish


Shrimp Jokes,  Seafood Puns,  Anti Joke Chicken (theme),  
    
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me walking into 2016 with my selfish  atude and ready to get everything i deserve.
me walking into 2016 with my selfish atude and ready to get everything i deserve.

Memes,  2016 Jokes,  
    
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Always trying to keep the black

Label Johnny Walker to yourself
Always trying to keep the black

Label Johnny Walker to yourself


Johnnie Walker Jokes,  Successful Black Man Meme (theme),  Whiskey Jokes,  
    
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Your money is "our money"

Her money is money
Your money is "our money"

Her money is money


Memes,  Scumbag Stephanie,  Money Jokes,  
    
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makes you go down on her

says giving a  is gross
makes you go down on her

says giving a is gross


Memes,  Scumbag Stephanie,  
    
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