Smart Alec Jokes

 – 87 total
Cop: Are you drinking and driving?

Me: No I was drinking then driving

Cop: You're free to go
Cop: Are you drinking and driving?

Me: No I was drinking then driving

Cop: You're free to go


Memes,  Drunk Driving Jokes,  
    
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Doctor: I'm sorry Stephen, but your-

Me: *you're

Doctor: Sorry, you're dying
Doctor: I'm sorry Stephen, but your-

Me: *you're

Doctor: Sorry, you're dying


Memes,  Grammar Jokes,  
    
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Mom: I didn't raise you like this

Me: Then who raise me?
Mom: I didn't raise you like this

Me: Then who raise me?


Memes,  Short Joke Comebacks,  
    
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"what are we?"

"we. are. farmers! dun dun dun dun dun du--nah but fr get out my use"
"what are we?"

"we. are. farmers! dun dun dun dun dun du--nah but fr get out my use"


Memes,  Arthur Memes,  Funny Commercial Quotes,  
    
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*dad buying drugs*

dealer: you want some pot?

dad: nah, but i'll take a frying pan tugh hehehe

dealer: *sots him*
*dad buying drugs*

dealer: you want some pot?

dad: nah, but i'll take a frying pan tugh hehehe

dealer: *sots him*


Memes,  Funny Dad Sayings,  Corny Humor,  
    
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Tonight, I'm making what my girlfriend has always said she's wanted for dinner...
Tonight, I'm making what my girlfriend has always said she's wanted for dinner...

Memes,  Cooking Memes,  
    
100%

judge: anything you say will be held against 

boy: ties

lawyer: , he's good
judge: anything you say will be held against

boy: ties

lawyer: , he's good


Memes,  Bad Kids Jokes,  Courtroom Jokes,  
    
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When he asks "How do you sleep with yourself at night acting the way you do?"
When he asks "How do you sleep with yourself at night acting the way you do?"

Memes,  Petty Memes,  Sleeping Meme,  
    
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Mom: Why did u take my bottle of Xanax?

Son: My fiends told me to

Mom: If ur friends told u to jump off a bridge would u?

Son: Yes that would be sick
Mom: Why did u take my bottle of Xanax?

Son: My fiends told me to

Mom: If ur friends told u to jump off a bridge would u?

Son: Yes that would be sick


Memes,  Bad Kids Jokes,  Parent Memes,  
    
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Her: No you hang up.
Me:
Her: No you hang up.
Me:


Memes,  Call Ended Meme (theme),  Witty Humor,  
    
100%

When your side piece asks, "What are Wii?"
When your side piece asks, "What are Wii?"

Memes,  Nintendo Memes,  Nick Young Memes,  
    
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How about here?
How about here?

Memes,  Funny Parking,  
    
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"Hi, Im here to pick up my Ambien. Is it ready?"

Oh of course! My only patient on Ambien.
"Hi, Im here to pick up my Ambien. Is it ready?"

Oh of course! My only patient on Ambien.


Pharmacist Jokes,  Good Humor,  
    
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Sorry you're still having problems. However, it usually helps you if you get your medications filled and take them regularly.
Sorry you're still having problems. However, it usually helps you if you get your medications filled and take them regularly.

Ecards Funny,  Medical Humor,  Pharmacist Jokes,  
    
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Boss: This is the third time you've been late to work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me:

It's Wednesday?
Boss: This is the third time you've been late to work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me:

It's Wednesday?


Memes,  Late Jokes,  Funny Wednesday Sayings,  
    
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