A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked through the door, she noticed she had rice in her hair."Sally," the mother said, "You didn't tell me you were going to a wedding.""I didn't mum," Sally replied, "I was giving a head job to a drunk chinaman and he threw up on me!"
Two deaf people get married and find out on their wedding night that they cannot communicate with the lights off, not being able to sign language or read lips.
"Honey," the woman signed to her new husband, "why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast once. If you don't want to have sex then reach over and squeeze my right breast once."
The husband thinks about it for a moment then says, "Okay, but if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis once, but if you don't want to have sex with me reach over and pull on my penis 250 times!"
On the eve of her wedding, the bride to be confessed to a friend that she was not a virgin."No problem," said the friend, "go out and buy a nice pice of liver and put it up inside you before the time comes. You'll feel nice and tight, and he will never know the difference."So the bride went ahead with the plan, and on the wedding night the couple went crazy. They fucked on the floor, on the kitchen table, in the bathroom and in the bed.So the bride was truly astonished when the next morning she found her husband gone. The only trace of him was a note on the bedside table that said, "I love you very much, but I have realized we can't go on like this and can never have a life together. Farewell. P.S. Your vagina is in the sink.